DEGREE
The Degree You Earn At Every Family Dinner.
B.A. in Petty Arguments
Now accredited, in writing, so the next time someone says you would argue with a stop sign, you can hand them a certificate.
Best for framing, gifting, and anyone who wants the credential to look alarmingly plausible from across the room.
B.A. in Petty Arguments
Master the art of turning any conversation into a debate about nothing.
Registrar's Positioning
Best for framing, gifting, and anyone who wants the credential to look alarmingly plausible from across the room.
Now accredited, in writing, so the next time someone says you would argue with a stop sign, you can hand them a certificate.
Personalization
Why You Want This
The B.A. in Petty Arguments is a retroactive credential. You did the work. You did it in the back of the 2014 Honda on the way to Thanksgiving. You did it during the cake-cutting at your cousin's wedding. You did it in a grocery store parking lot about whether that was the same car. The degree ratifies what the transcript of your life already demonstrates.
This is the B.A. for the person whose opening move in any disagreement is the three-hour flank. You do not escalate. You do not lose composure. You simply do not drop it. The degree honors this specific skill — the refusal to let a small misstatement pass without exhaustive correction, the willingness to fight over the precise year an aunt remarried, the commitment to winning debates nobody else knew had begun.
The certificate itself is a 300 DPI PDF, registry-backed, with a unique credential ID and a verification URL that matches the diploma line. It is discipline-specific — the registrar seal notes your specialization in Petty Arguments, which is how it should read, because general assholery is for ordination, and this is a degree. Different animal. Different frame.
Per Arduum ad Assholum, we say, but in the B.A. track we mean it more literally: the arduum is the argument, and you have been the ad.
Thirty-five dollars. A unique ID. A conversation-ender that ends exactly zero conversations, because that would defeat the purpose. Everyone in your life already considers this degree self-evident. The only question left is whether you want it in writing.
What You Actually Get
- Verifiable B.A.-level digital credential with a unique registrar ID
- Specialization line reads "Petty Arguments" — not generic
- 300 DPI PDF, prints cleanly at letter size for framing
- Public verification URL — settles the "is this real" argument permanently
- Registry entry persists under your name — no resubscription required
- Instant delivery so you can cite it mid-Thanksgiving if needed
Common Objections
Isn't this just the same thing as the Ordination?
No. The Ordination credentials your temperament in general. The B.A. is a specialization — the registrar seal reads 'Petty Arguments,' not 'Asshole.' For an audience that respects specificity (and this audience does), the distinction matters.
Can I get multiple degrees?
You can. Each degree is its own credential, its own ID, its own discipline. A B.A. and an M.S. hang side-by-side the way they would in any office.
Is there coursework?
The coursework happened. It happened every time you started a sentence with "Actually, to be precise." This is a recognition of prior learning, not a curriculum.
Does this go on LinkedIn?
That is between you and your network. We observe that the degree has been posted to LinkedIn more than six hundred times and the engagement numbers are, on average, higher than any credential earned without sarcasm.
Questions the Registrar Is Tired Of
How fast is delivery?
Under a minute. The email beats most Stripe receipts.
Does the verification page say 'B.A.'?
Yes. The discipline and level appear together on the verification URL — "B.A. in Petty Arguments" — linked to your legal name and registrar ID.
Can I put the letters after my name?
Jane Smith, B.A.P.A. is technically accurate and nobody at the IRS is going to chase you about it. Use your judgment on professional contexts.
Refunds?
Seven days, one argument, zero rebuttals. We will not engage you on the refund. That is the joke.
Gifting?
Enter the recipient name at checkout. The registry entry files under them. Most B.A.P.A. degrees purchased in December are, demographically, gifts to siblings.
From the Faculty Lounge
Opened my inbox, read the certificate, re-read a text from my brother, forwarded him the verification link. He has not responded.
Ordered after a two-hour fight about whether lasagna counts as a casserole. The B.A. arrived before the fight ended. It did not end the fight. It did escalate it.
Seven-day refund. We will not argue with you about it — a concession we make for this degree specifically, as the irony is acknowledged.
Enter a name on the certificate above to proceed.