THE REGISTRAR'S CATALOG
Official Catalog
The shortest route from curiosity to framed paperwork.
Ordinations, degrees, memberships, and private advisement arranged by type so you can move directly to the correct level of institutional nonsense.
Start with the flagship if unsure. The Registrar does, quietly, have a favorite.
- Instant delivery
- 7-day refund
- Digitally signed PDF
- Shareable by the buyer
FROM THE REGISTRAR
The Complete Catalog
Every active credential currently conferred by the university. Entry-level ordinations, framed degrees, recurring memberships, and private advisement for buyers who prefer a heavier hand. Browse by instinct, then let the filter pills do the sorting you were hoping someone else would handle.
Officially Ordained Asshole - Base
Become an Officially Ordained Asshole with our prestigious digital certificate. Includes downloadable diploma.
Officially Ordained Asshole - Deluxe
The deluxe package includes diploma, 3 achievement badges, and 1-month Inner Circle membership.
Officially Ordained Asshole - Framed
Premium digital package with gold foil effects and custom frame options.
B.A. in Petty Arguments
Master the art of turning any conversation into a debate about nothing.
M.S. in Subtle Shade
Advanced degree in the delicate art of passive-aggressive commentary.
Ph.D. in Weaponized Sarcasm
The highest academic achievement in turning wit into a precision instrument.
Honorary Doctorate of Assholery
For those whose natural talent transcends traditional academic pathways.
A.U. Inner Circle - Monthly
Monthly access to exclusive content, diploma drops, and member-only certificates.
A.U. Inner Circle - Annual
Annual membership with 2 months free. Best value for dedicated assholes.
Personal Asshole Coaching
One-on-one consultation to help you achieve peak assholery.
Corporate Asshole Workshop
Transform your entire team with our comprehensive asshole training program (satire).
BURSAR’S DESK
Before You Proceed
- What format is the certificate?
- A digitally signed PDF on parchment-stock artwork, delivered by email. Suitable for framing, forwarding, and light boasting. Details here.
- Can I customize the name?
- The conferee’s full name is set at checkout. Pseudonyms, titles of dubious origin, and middle initials are all accepted without inquiry.
- Do you offer refunds?
- A seven-day refund window applies to every purchase. Refund policy.