CONSULTING
The Half-Day Off-Site That Your Team Will Actually Remember.
Corporate Asshole Workshop
A three-hour remote workshop for teams of up to twenty-five — structured satire, real communication drills, and the one team-building exercise nobody dreads.
Best for buyers who want private institutional backing, not just a handsome document and a shrug.
Corporate Asshole Workshop
Transform your entire team with our comprehensive asshole training program (satire).
Registrar's Positioning
Best for buyers who want private institutional backing, not just a handsome document and a shrug.
A three-hour remote workshop for teams of up to twenty-five — structured satire, real communication drills, and the one team-building exercise nobody dreads.
Why You Want This
The Corporate Workshop is the stretch SKU. It is also, in the experience of the institution, the best gift anyone has ever given a boss who thinks they are fun.
A half-day remote workshop, hosted by an A.U. faculty member, designed for a team of up to twenty-five. Three hours. Structured. Satirical framing — 'The Institution of Assholery' as the premise — running a real communications curriculum underneath. We cover three modules: Deliberate Directness (how to say the hard thing without the blowup), Calibrated Shade (professional disagreement with plausible deniability), and Tactical Restraint (when not to say anything, and how to make the silence do the work). Each module has a live exercise, a group debrief, and a take-home worksheet. The faculty member MCs the whole thing like a dean giving an irreverent commencement address.
The deliverables: a three-hour live workshop with facilitation, a recording for asynchronous teammates, a PDF workbook for every attendee, a team-wide leaderboard from the in-session exercises, and a written debrief report to the booking stakeholder summarizing team strengths and recommended follow-ups. We also ship every attendee a digital A.U. 'Participated in the Workshop' credential — their own verifiable badge, registered under their name.
The most common buyer is a department head giving it as a quarterly off-site. The second most common is an HR team looking for a communication training that their engineers and designers will not immediately tune out. The third is an outgoing executive gifting it to the team on their way out the door as a final parting act. All three work. All three have been repeat customers.
Per Arduum ad Assholum, at the workshop tier, is not a motto — it is a learning objective. Twenty-five hundred dollars is the market rate for a competent corporate trainer for a half day. The difference is that the workshop, in our format, is the one the team talks about six months later.
What You Actually Get
- Three-hour live remote workshop for up to twenty-five attendees
- Three structured modules with live exercises and group debrief
- Workshop recording delivered for asynchronous teammates within forty-eight hours
- PDF workbook for every attendee, covering all three modules
- Verifiable 'Participated' credential issued under each attendee's name
- Written debrief report to the booking stakeholder — team strengths, recommended follow-ups
- Scheduling within fourteen days of booking; calendar flexibility for time zones
Common Objections
Is this appropriate for a corporate environment?
It is engineered for one. The satirical framing is front of house; the communication curriculum is the substance. We have run this for law firms, finance teams, tech companies, and nonprofits. The A.U. faculty member calibrates the edge to the room — you approve the framing in advance, and we operate within it.
What if we have someone on the team who won't find it funny?
The curriculum does not require participants to find the satire funny. The exercises are real communication drills. The satirical framing is the delivery vehicle; the learning is the substance. In practice, the skeptics tend to be the ones who quote the workbook six months later.
Twenty-five hundred is steep.
It is aligned with standard half-day corporate trainer rates. For a team of twenty-five, that is one hundred dollars per attendee — less than most LinkedIn Learning annual seats. The difference is that the team remembers it.
Can we customize the modules?
Module content is fixed; module emphasis is flexible. During the intake call, you indicate which of the three modules is most relevant and we adjust the time allocation. Custom modules are available for an additional fee, quoted case by case.
Is this in-person?
Remote only for the standard package — delivered over Zoom or your conferencing platform of choice. In-person workshops are available at a higher price point and with travel logistics we handle separately.
Questions the Registrar Is Tired Of
How many attendees can join?
Up to twenty-five in the standard package. Larger groups can be accommodated with a facilitation fee adjustment — contact us directly for quotes.
What's in the intake call?
A thirty-minute call with the booking stakeholder before the workshop. We cover team context, scenarios to emphasize or avoid, and the edge calibration. You approve the framing before we run the session.
Is there pre-work for attendees?
Optional fifteen-minute pre-work that warms them up and makes the first module land faster. Teams that do the pre-work score noticeably higher on the leaderboard. We do not require it.
What's the 'Participated' credential?
A verifiable A.U. badge issued to every attendee under their name. It is the same registry-backed credential format as our retail badges — unique ID, verification URL, registry entry. Most attendees put it in Slack within a week.
Refunds?
Full refund if canceled more than seven days before the session. Within seven days, we reschedule once at no charge or offer a 50% refund.
From the Faculty Lounge
Booked it as a Q3 off-site. Six months later, I still hear my engineers say 'calibrated shade' in retros. I have no regrets.
Our outgoing exec gave it to the team as a goodbye. Highest-rated off-site in our team surveys. The new exec asked where it came from.
Expected satire. Got a communication training. Left with a workbook my team actually opens. The satire is how you make people read the workbook.
Seven-day refund window before the session. After the workshop, if the stakeholder debrief report does not identify at least three concrete follow-ups, we issue a 50% refund and deliver the follow-up recommendations in writing within seven days.