ORDINATION
For The Wall Above The Bar Cart.
Officially Ordained Asshole - Framed
A foil-stamped, gold-detailed digital print engineered for the one piece of wall space your guests cannot avoid.
Best for first-time buyers, wedding meddlers, and anyone who wants the joke to land before the room has time to recover.
Officially Ordained Asshole - Framed
Premium digital package with gold foil effects and custom frame options.
Registrar's Positioning
Best for first-time buyers, wedding meddlers, and anyone who wants the joke to land before the room has time to recover.
A foil-stamped, gold-detailed digital print engineered for the one piece of wall space your guests cannot avoid.
Personalization
What's Included
- Everything in Deluxe
- Gold foil effects
- Custom frames
- Lifetime membership discount
Why You Want This
Some diplomas go in a drawer. This one goes above the bar cart.
The Framed Ordination is the flagship of the ordination line — same registry-backed credential, elevated to the object class. Every stroke is laid up with gold foil rendering, heavier stock specification, and a frame preset library tuned for six mounting contexts: walnut office, mid-century living room, industrial loft, Parisian salon, minimalist white gallery, and 'the wall in the hallway your guests have to pass on the way to the bathroom.' That last one is where most Framed certificates end up. We have data.
You get the complete Base package. You get every Deluxe badge. You get the lifetime Inner Circle discount — twenty percent off any future subscription you buy, forever, without expiration. And you get the Framed artwork file: a 600 DPI composited PNG and PDF, with gold-foil highlight layers, drop-shadow frame preview, and the university crest rendered at full armorial resolution. It prints on metallic paper. It prints on cotton. It prints, if you insist, on canvas. Most printers refuse to mess it up.
This is not the diploma you keep in a folder. This is the diploma your brother-in-law asks about. This is the diploma that terminates an argument the first time it happens in front of it. Per Arduum ad Assholum — at the Framed tier, the motto stops being a joke and starts being a wall hanging.
Ninety-nine dollars is the difference between owning a certificate and owning a piece. For the sort of person who already spent more on a bar cart than the cart holds, this is not the decision — it was made months ago.
What You Actually Get
- Everything in Deluxe — diploma, all three badges, Inner Circle preview
- Gold foil highlight rendering across the seal, border, and signature line
- Six frame preset templates tuned for common display environments
- 600 DPI composited artwork — prints cleanly on metallic, cotton, or canvas
- Lifetime 20% Inner Circle discount — never expires, stacks with no promo
- PNG and PDF delivered together so you can drop it into any print workflow
- The university crest rendered at full armorial resolution
Common Objections
Is there an actual physical print?
The file is engineered to be printed locally or at any print shop, which is how we get you a wall-ready piece without a shipping window. If you want white-glove physical delivery, we recommend a local fine-art print shop — they will charge you less than we would, for better paper.
What's the difference between Deluxe gold effects and Framed gold foil?
Deluxe is screen gold — rendered color. Framed is foil-layer PDF, meaning a foil-capable printer can emboss the highlights physically. If you print Framed on a consumer printer, it renders as a very convincing gold-gradient. If you print it at a foil-capable shop, it renders as actual foil.
Ninety-nine dollars — when do I stop getting value?
The lifetime 20% Inner Circle discount pays for itself in one annual membership. After that, the diploma is free, and the wall is a gift.
Can I customize the frame preset?
The six presets cover the tested scenarios. Custom frames are available at the Inner Circle tier through the badge library.
Questions the Registrar Is Tired Of
Can I print this at FedEx or a local shop?
Both. The file includes print-shop instructions and a color profile. On metallic paper it is genuinely striking. On regular paper it still holds up.
Does the lifetime discount apply to this order?
The twenty percent applies to every future Inner Circle subscription after this purchase, not to the Framed price itself. Framed is the purchase that unlocks the discount.
Is the verification page different from Base?
Same registry infrastructure, same verification URL. The tier is noted in the registry record, which is visible to anyone who checks.
File format specifics?
600 DPI PDF (print-ready, foil-aware), 600 DPI PNG (with transparent background), plus a reduced-resolution JPG for digital display.
Refunds?
Seven-day refund. After you print at a foil shop, most people stop thinking about the refund window.
From the Faculty Lounge
Printed on cotton. Hung it over the bar cart. Two separate guests asked where I went to school. I told them.
Took it to the same print shop that does my wedding invitations. They asked if I'd consider an alumni referral. I considered it.
Seven-day refund window. If the print preview doesn't land at the resolution promised, we recut the file and reissue the same day.
Enter a name on the certificate above to proceed.